The Mr. Brown Network

Since I’ve been effectively unemployed for quite some time, I’ve become accustomed to watching the greatness that is “daytime television”. If you’re a working individual, you probably know nothing about daytime television, simply because you’re slaving away at a desk from 8 to 5 everyday during the week, so let me explain it to you.

Years ago, the three broadcast networks used to air programming during the day that catered to housewives, because you know, before “liberation,” women were apparently things that made babies and dinner. So, NBC, CBS, and ABC aired programming such as scripted dramas sponsored by soap manufacturers,  game shows, and to a lesser extent, talk shows. Then the women became “liberated” (personally, I think they got a raw deal) and started going to work, which marked the end of a lot of daytime television. Fox, which came along later, didn’t offer any daytime programming to its affiliates for the very reason that they knew nobody was watching anymore, among other reasons (such as skirting around the FCC definition of “broadcast network”).

NBC has nothing except for a 870th hour of “Today” and one minor soap opera. ABC has a few soap operas left (General Hospital is probably the only one I can think of off the top of my head) and of course, it’s award winning “The View”. And then, there’s CBS…

I’m a CBS fan, simply because I’m a game show fan — they’re the only folks actively investing in game shows. Of course, there’s the grand-daddy of them all: “The Price is Right”. They also recently picked up the Wayne Brady-hosted “Let’s Make a Deal”. And finally, the most popular soap opera of them all, “The Young and the Restless”. Even non-soap fans like myself know who Victor Newman is and what kind of sleaze bag he really is.

Of course, there’s also the syndicated programming. Most syndicated daytime programming nowadays consists of trashy talk shows, like the infamous “Jerry Springer Show” and (in some respects) the even more infamous “Maury”. If you’re not lucky and have to work everyday of your life, you likely haven’t experienced the wonder of a “Maury Baby Daddy Tuesday,” in which there’s a great deal of screaming, some paternity testing, and lots of booing. It’s truly an epic experience.

And after all is said and done, you get the 4 o’clock news in most markets, which effectively marks the end of a day’s worth of daytime television. I encourage everybody who has a day off to check out the Drew Carey-hosted “Price is Right,” Maury Povich’s self-titled show, and of course “Young & The Restless,” because everybody needs to follow Victor Newman’s antics.