The Mr. Brown Network

…brought to you by Cheaters P.I.’s on Cheaters!

It’s a sentence familiar to all of us late night television viewers… one that starts off every great, spine tingling episode of Cheaters.

If you’re unfamiliar with the show or its premise, it’s simple – spouses/significant others contact the “Cheaters Detective Agency”, they follow the other partner around with cameras, catch ‘em “in the act”, and then there’s always a nasty confrontation at the end. It’s really a great show, and deserves a better timeslot than midnight (or 3am in my soon-to-be-residence of Springfield, Missouri). There’s nothing quite like it anywhere else.

Anyways, I was watching the “Steve French” case last night; appropriately, he shares his name with a porno producer who puts out “Cheating Wives” smut (hey, just Google it!). Mr. French, being the douche bag that he is, decided to cheat on his long time girlfriend with one of her friends who moved into her apartment during a nasty divorce!

Now, Mr. French, as portrayed by the show, is no doubt a violent man. During the surveillance period, he got into no less than three fights with other people, and got kicked out of no less than two bars. The confrontation was no exception to his violent behavior.

Instead of, you know, stabbing Joey Greco, which is entirely appropriate and acceptable, he proceeds to kick out the window of the mistress!

But, oh no, he’s not finished yet! He then attempts to pull the mistress out of the vehicle! Like she would want to go anywhere with him after this confrontation.

Finally, after his girlfriend tells him to “face her like a man,” Mr. French loses it and cold cocks the girlfriend!

Joey Greco, being the most excellent specimen of man that God has to offer, tackles Mr. French to the ground and puts him in a choke hold. A blurred-out rent-a-cop comes and slaps some cuffs on him.

Mr. French then does the unthinkable – he runs off, with the cuffs on, and gets away from Joey and the gang!

Mr. French, if you’re out there, I believe most of America thinks that you’re a douche bag, including myself.